Lauren Rock's Page

What has helped me heal from my own experience of rape is also what continues to haunt my spirit, coaxing me toward the darkness of negativity: this of course is the network of other women who have been through the same thing. Due to the structure of the human psyche, and the way we are socialized, all rape survivors go through the period of self-loathing and blame,feeling irreparably broken and as if they deserved it, as if they are worthless and a lost cause. I felt this way for almost 10 years, not even realizing I was in such a destructive headspace. Only through full honesty and acceptance of every detail of what happened, including my own mistakes, was I able to move on and see a continuity in my life from before the rape and after. Now that I can see the incident with clear eyes, I am charged to band together with so many of my sisters who have gone through the same thing.

Although Rape is going to be a reality, probably for a long time to come, much about Rape that is so painful is the cultural ways in which it is perceived. There are many aspects of the perception of Rape that women together can change, including especially the way women regard other women who have been raped. If men and fathers, brothers and husbands want to consider it an event that dishonours them and the family, well then so be it. But women can see it as an invitation for bonding and self definition. We must stand together and pursue justice and equality, actually solidifying our dignity through the act that would attempt to break it down. By coming out of the darkness and speaking about the incidents of known-assailant rape or stranger rape, rape as a child, an old woman, or as a weapon of war--- women will begin to feel that we truly do all have the same experience. And it's not yet equal to the freedom that men possess. We women need to take back our sexuality, we need to own our own pleasure, and be entitled to choose when and with whom we have sex. We have a right to sex, and we have a right to say no as well. We need to quit judging other women for "tarnishing" the purity some of us potend to portray. That image is a lie and it is imprisoning us all. If being a sexual woman is dirty,then I'm dirty because I want to be free. The more women that stand up for this in strength and together, the clearer it will become that it is the patriarchal men who tout their sex with impunity that are the dirty ones. Beware rapist boys and men, the women are coming!